This Life On After You
by Kissy Heartbreak
Summary: Death is just another part of life that we all have to deal with. Sometimes a little help is needed to remember that, though sometimes you don't expect who you get that help from.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hao~ I know I'm being a lazy bum on my 'Into the Ocean' story, but lets just be nice and say that I am simply lacking the motivation to finish the next chapter (Wishesshehadmotivation) |||orz In the mean time though, I figured I'd start this one to give you something angsty to tear at~ : D I'm just so nice eh?**

**Hope you like it~!**

**~Enjoy~**

Summery: Death is just another part of life that we all have to deal with. Sometimes a little help is needed to remember that, though sometimes you don't expect who you get that help from.

* * *

The echo of sneakers on wet sidewalk made there way through the empty morning street as a lone boy made his way to school. The damp chill of the October showers should have made his body shiver, should have made him blow hot breath onto his frozen fingers, should have made him rush a little to the warmth of his school. He did none of these things though even though it was something a southern boy like him should be doing, he simply continued on through the grey foggy morning at a lazy pace.

He was tall enough, standing by about five foot nine and obviously athletic as he wore his schools football jacket over his uniform and had a natural straightness to his back. His skin was smooth and slightly tanned from all the many summers that he'd spent in the sun and his wheat gold hair was thick and glossy and well kept with one rebellious strand in the front. His blue eyes were a mirror image of sunny skies, even in the colourless light of the day, and held a far off spacey look to them behind his glasses.

His name was Alfred F. Jones – but he didn't really care.

* * *

"Al." Warning.

"What~?" Fake innocence.

"Don't you even think abou- _Gah!_ N-No! Noo~! Alfred! St-St-Stop _iittt~!_ Hahahahaha~!"

Fits of giggles and laughter poured out from the end of the hall where Alfred and his twin brother Matthew shared a room. It was just another normal day for the two teen boys as they enjoyed these last few moths that they were able to spend with each other, before Alfred would have to head back down to the States again.

Ever sense the divorce, Mrs. Jones and Mr. Williams had made it a ritual to send Alfred to see his brother every second year for a year. The southern twin would attend to his schooling with his northern brother in Canada and then, after the summer break, head back to the States to take a year of schooling there. Matthew loved it when his brother visited him, loved his self-confidence and energy that radiated from him in a way the Canadian brother could never achieve. Alfred loved visiting his brother, loved how he got him just like that and was always patient even in the times when the most patient people couldn't be. It was hard to separate for those twelve months where they would always lose contact with one another – Matthew would lose his brothers number and Alfred would always forget to call – No matter how many years that passed by, the twins just couldn't adjust to that departure.

"Uncle! Uncle!"

"Hahaha, Matt you quitter~!"

"Hah.. How… Am I… Supposed to win… Against you?"

"Mm, Good point- Hey! We should go to McDonalds before we meet up with the guys!"

"… Only if we go to Dairy Queen right after."

"Deal! Put'er there partner!"

"Haha, you dork."

"Hey!"

* * *

Blue eyes stared out at the depressing afternoon sky. Not much had changed from earlier that morning, the air was still chill and the sun had yet to show the earth its warm embrace – if it ever did again before the winter hit. Alfred sighed into his fingers, letting his chin rest more so on his hand than before, why did it have to be such a sad looking day today? Not that he really cared or would've even noticed the difference, but still.

"Alfred?"

The southern boy looked up to see a girl with short, platinum blond hair and a noticeably large bust. Katyusha. Her smile was kind, if not a bit apprehensive, and she gestured to the empty seat across from Alfred shyly – to which he smiled and nodded for her to sit "Hey Kat, how's it hanging?"

"E-Eh? H-Hanging?"

Laughing a bit, Alfred waved his hand dismissively at the question "How are you?"

She blinked curiously at him - likely wanting to know what he meant by 'hanging' - but than smiled shyly again "I am doing rather well myself Alfred. My brother has finally gotten over his flue and is returning to school today."

"Er… G-Great to hear that Kat! Glad your not worrying yourself anymore." Internally, Alfred damned his poor luck. He couldn't stand that man! _Ivan! _Even the name pissed him off! That's why he just calls him 'Russia', though the ass just made a game of it by calling him '_Amerika_'. Jerk.

Still, it was good to see Katyusha happy again..

* * *

"Oh! Matvey! Alfred! Over here!" Katyusha waved her one hand wildly as she used the other to project her voice. When she was noticed, she bounced in place happily, causing the southern twin to drool rather unattractively on the floor.

Elbowing Alfred in the side as inconspicuously as possible, Matthew smiled pleasantly at the Ukrainian girl and waved back, making his way over to her and her siblings - and a few others - as the other doubled over. "Katyusha! We'd almost thought you guys weren't going to make it!"

"Oh, I am sorry little Matvey! We had gotten somewhat lost on our way here, though Toris was soon able to lead us the right way. You didn't have to wait too long did you?" A bit of a wobble made its way into the girls lip as she looked at her friend worridly.

He was quick to ease her though "Oh no! We didn't wait that long at al-"

"Aw yeah! I didn't know Toris was going to be here! Where is the little guy anyhow?" Finally recovered, Alfred pulled his twin into a headlock as he looked around for the brunet – completely ignoring his northern brothers protests.

Giggling, Katyusha pointed to the bundles of people that concealed the concession stand "He said that he would retrieve the food and beverages for the rest of us. I offered to help, but you know how Toris is just so insistent on doing it himself, so kind like that."

"He is paying for the food as we speak" Ivan says casually as he looks over the groups of people that separate Toris from them, something not very difficult for him "He will be here shortly so do not fret my dear Amerika. The group will be whole again soon da?"

Alfred all but sneers at the other man, letting go of his brother to stand to his full height – which is still irritatingly shorter than the Russian male. "I ain't 'fretting' _Russia_, I'm just waiting for _my_ best bud!"

"Well we are all 'best buds' here are we not?" Ivan smiled cheerily at the other and, if Alfred hadn't already had to deal with the guys deceptive ways before, he would've seriously wondered if the Russian was just that dense.

He was just about to ask Ivan that too, but feeling Matthew's eyes on his back, the American boy let out a huff and a little 'Whatever' instead before nearly leaping on a returning Toris, giving the multitasking brunet a good scare as he almost dropped all of the items he'd just paid for. Laughter soon followed this along with a lot of light-hearted chit-chat as the food and drink were spread out among the large group of comrades. They were all Matthew's friends for the most part, but Alfred was just as accepted by them – even if he didn't really get along with some – as his brother was and it was a regular past time for all of them to hang out it any given place together.

"Come on guys! If we don't hurry than we won't get the good seats!" Matthew called to the rest of them and soon him and Ivan were pulling the group along through the thick crowd, ignoring all the strangers complainants "What's the point of watching if you can't see the blood?"

Katyusha squeaked and looked worridly at her brother."B-Blood?"

Ivan smiled reassuringly at his older sister as he shoved some stranger out of his way "You can sit behind me sestra."

"May I sit beside you brother?"

"Ah, y-yes of course Natalia."

"Guys~!"

"Holy Matt! When it comes to Hockey you're such a spaz~!"

"It's _Hockey_ Alfred."

"Yeah, it's hockey in _July_."

"Shut up!"

* * *

The bell rang, signalling the end of lunch break, and Alfred tossed his fork into his untouched food before he stood up from the little table. Katyusha fumbled with her empty plate as she hurried after him, only stopping to throw the plastic into the trash. "A-Ah, so Alfred. I never had the chance to ask you how you were doing…?"

Both of there steps slowed to an uneasy stop, Katyusha twisting the hem of her shirt in her hands and Alfred simply standing there….

* * *

"See ya!"

"Later guys!"

"Bye!" The rest of the group said in unison, waving a farewell to the twins.

The two brothers chuckled a little between each other at the scene and Alfred threw an arm over his northern counterparts shoulders. "Those guys are more similar than we are!"

Matthew chuckled in response. "I know eh?"

The hockey game had been as eventful as it always was with Matthew and Ivan. Both boys cheering and yelling away for there team to win – along with cheering for some carnage – while the rest of the group sat back and chatted away with each other, giving the two fanatics there well needed space (Alfred had once poorly decided to sit in front of them and was accidently smacked in the back of the head by his brother, needless to say, he never did it again). The bonus of their team taking the game had left all of the group in a blissfully happy mood, and now on their way back home, Alfred was getting the rare privilege to see his brother glow like the sunshine as he talked on and on about the amazing win. For once, the southern brother didn't interrupt what the northern was saying and simply walked and listened until his twin had finished talking.

"You know Al… I don't think I could ever be happier than I am right now." Matthew murmured as he looked up to the night sky, his cheeks were pink with all the energy he had let out and his smile and his eyes were soft and content to show that he really meant what he was saying. "I mean, I just spent a great – no, an amazing day with my best friends and brother doing something I love to do – and now look! The night is a perfect night!"

"You're really sentimental you know that?" The southern commented teasingly.

"And you're just mental." The northern commented back, a little grin playing on his lips.

"Hey~ I thought we were keeping that a secret."

"Hahaha, I love you though bro. I mean that." Matthew's smile grew soft once again as he messed up his twins hair.

"Aw shucks~! You just wanna see me blush don't ya!" Laughing when the other punched him in the arm, Alfred picked up hit pace and soon started off in a run "I bet ya that I can get there before you can Williams!"

"I bet that that's only in your dreams Jones!" Came the northerns voice along with a speeded pace.

Alfred laughed and pushed up his pace some more, races were a favourite past time for the two brothers. It was almost every day that, after school, after work, after any and all events, they would rip down the side walks to their home and see who could touch their front door first – it was also something that they were both good at and often tied each other in. With five blocks before they reached their house, Alfred was a good twenty-five feet or so into the lead, but he knew that that could change in a moments notice and he was very positive that his brother was quickly shortening the distance between them.

He wasn't going to admit that though, so looking over his shoulder, he called back "Ha! What's the matter Mattie? Can't keep up with the amazing me?"

"You're just a villainous cheater! Taking off before me like that!" Came Matthew's response, playful, not bitter. "I say that if you win this than it so shouldn't count!"

Alfred snorted and turned his head to throw out another little remark, but never got the chance as he felt a pair of hands push roughly at his mid back. He flew forward twice as fast as before and hit the grass across the sidewalk hard – scraping his right hand on a stray rock. Than-

A screech-

A crunch-

Alfred turned around in horror "Matt!"

* * *

The boy and the girl stood in the lunch hall until long after all of the students had left for class, long after the bell had rang and they were considered late.

Katyusha was very quickly going to end up ripping her shirt with the force that she was ringing it with, but she didn't know weather to speak up again or wait until Alfred spoke on his own – if he spoke at all. He hadn't so much as moved sense she had asked him that stupid – oh so stupid – question, she wasn't even sure if he was breathing with how still he was. Like a statue that some guy was going to come and pick up, sending her a weired look for staring at it. A lump was starting to form in her throat, slowly growing so that it could choke her, and her eyes were beginning to water around the edges as she waited and waited until she was sure that asking him was wrong. She didn't get a chance to spill out her stuttering mess of an apology though as Alfred finally started to move a little bit, turning his head to look out of the cafeteria windows once again. Silently, she held her breath and waited once again for him to say something - anything!

"…I think… I'm going to go see Matthew today." He spoke quietly, something that was so unlike him.

"Ah… O-Oh…." Katyusha looked down for a moment, her grip loosening on her shirt. She looked back up again though, trying to smile through her disappointment "W-Would you- Maybe, would you l-like some company?"

Blue eyes stared out at the dreary day a little bit longer, as if mapping out the path to their destination, before moving over to meet with the girls. Eventually a small, uncharacteristically plain smile spread over the southern boys lips and he shook his head just slightly "I'll be alright on my own Katyusha."

Without giving her the chance to say anything else, Alfred walked out of the cafeteria doors to find the doors out of the school. The girl looked down once again, fiddling with the little rip in her shirt

"Why do I not believe you Alfred."

* * *

"Matt!" Scrambling up from his spot on the ground, Alfred ran over to the limp form of his brother at the other end of the crossroads. '_No, nonono, no he couldn't be- He can't be! Why? Why!'_

Crashing to his knees by his brothers side, Matthew's back facing him, he tried his hardest not to feel the blood seeping through the fabric of his jeans. A sob escaped his shaking body – followed by more – as his hands hovered above his twin, above Matthew. He couldn't do it – he had to – he just couldn't. "M-Matt? M-M-Mattie? B-Bro! Bro s-say something god dammit! I- I can't- I can't d-do this- Matt!"

"I'm calling an ambulance!" The driver. Alfred paid him no mind at all.

Slowly, very slowly, a shaky hand was rested down onto Matthew's shoulder – so much smaller than his own – though he didn't dare move it so much as an inch, the shaking in it amazingly ceasing within the instant of contact. Instead, Alfred kept it there very very lightly, feeling for any kind of movement; breathing, shivering, anything. After what seemed like forever with no signs at all, Alfred built up some courage and squeezed Matthew's shoulder just a bit.

"M-Matt… M-Matt, you gotta get up n-now." No response, no sign that what Alfred was doing hurt. Biting his lip, the southern brother pulled on the shoulder just a bit "Mat-"

Before he could even figure out what was going on, Matthew's shoulder was no longer in his grasp. Instead, it was closing in on the ground as the northern twins upper body rested on its back. It was wrong though, so wrong, so very wrong because Alfred knew that people just didn't _bend_ like that, but all he could do was stare. Stare and stare as his brothers body- as _Matthew's body_ lie almost twisted right around on the ground. Broken, bloody, wide eyed-

Dead.

Alfred screamed.

* * *

Ivan stood up from his sitting position in a corner table of the cafeteria, startling his older sister and making her look away from the doors to him. "Brother! How long have you been sitting there?"

The Russian boy simply smiled like he always did and made his way over to his beloved sibling, towering over her as he wiped away her stray tears. There were bags under his violet eyes from the fitful nights he'd had sense the loss of his best friend and his skin was paler than usual under his beige hair from the sickness he had just recovered. He still stood tall though, strong and casually proud like he always had in the years before.

Adjusting the headband that Katyusha had in her hair, he bent down to put the quickest of kisses utop her head "You should go on to class now sestra. You will never get that diploma you wish for skipping classes like this da?"

"O-Oh, yes, yes of course! Where… Will you be going to your class as well little brother?" Tilting her head, Katusha looked up at the other patiently, waiting, and it was hard for Ivan not to see Matthew standing there.

"Nyet, I have a counselling appointment I must attend first before I go to class." He smiled more and gave his sister a small push to the door. "You go now though and I will see you after school."

With a little smile, Katyusha nodded and started off for class at a jog, worrying aloud to herself about her teacher down the hall. The moment she was out of sight, Ivan's smile disappeared and he made his way down the opposite hall to the main doors.

* * *

Translations:

Da - Yes (Russian)

Nyet - No (Russian)

Sestra - Sister (Russian)

Amerika - America with an accent.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Woohoo! I finally got it up! Now... One more freaking chapter to go |||orz Oh god, why do I do this to myself?**

**Ah~ It's totally worth it though.**

**Anyway.**

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

The park was empty and quiet as the dead of the moonless night it was in. No breeze came by to rustle the imaginary leaves in the frozen trees or to blow through the grass that wasn't there, but buried beneath at least three feet of snow. The only real point of light were the street lamps that were few, far and inbetween since the sky was covered by thick fluffy clouds that looked just about ready to release a mountian's worth of snow upon the land. There seemed to be only one living thing throughout the entire area of this city night, a young man. He sat on a stone park bench, elbows resting on his knees as he stared off to what could have been nothing, could have been everything telling by the haze in his eyes – far off in some other place, some other life.

It would always shock this young man, no matter how many times he looked back on it, how that boy could just see into his soul in the way he did.

"Do you need a friend?" A smile, kind eyes, understanding-

Matthew…

* * *

He followed him. That idiot.

For all the amazingly 'awesome' things that that boy claimed to be on a day to day basis, he couldn't even bother to realize he was being followed by his 'worst enemy' as Ivan had heard him claim many times before. The Russian male hadn't even disliked him when they had first met, thought he was an idiot of course, but never disliked him – just the country he came from. Mind you, he should have guessed ahead of time that this self proclaimed hero would obviously be rather nationalistic and that his own opinions would end up sounding very offensive, but he never imagined such a little mistake would cause him and his own Russian culture to be the target of the American's hate. That was Alfred though, arrogant and irrational.

Also clueless, impatient, noisy, spoilt, short-tempered; This list could go on and on – and did as Ivan glared daggers at that spot between his 'comrades' shoulder blades, partially annoyed that the other male wasn't smart enough to turn around, partially thankful he was too stupid to…

The thought brought him back to why they were walking down the street instead of attending class and any sour thoughts were instantly washed away from his mind. It wasn't right to be so hateful after all that's happened, especially not at Alfred of all people, not after… Ivan shook his head to rid himself of that terrible feeling, he couldn't think about it like that. Not yet.

He looked back up to the figure no more than fifteen feet in front of him. He couldn't think about it… But he had to.

He wished Matthew was here.

* * *

"Ivan!"

Said Russian looked up and off to the right of himself, a cheery smile making its way across his face and he stood up to greet the young Canadian approaching him "Matvey, I was beginning to believe that you were not coming."

The blond frowned and looked a cross between hurt and offended by the comment "Of course I was coming! I wouldn't just ditch you like that!"

"Ditch?"

"Leave."

"Ah. Why do you not just use the proper wording?"

"Because than I'd sound like you eh!"

"Is that bad?"

"Mm, not really, you just kind of sound like a dictionary Ivan."

"You mean this?"

"You carry it with you?"

"Da."

"Hahaha~ Way to be man."

Casual yet new, the friendship between the two boys had been steadily growing over the last six months since the March that they had met each other. It had strengthened a great deal from that moonless night too, from where Ivan had been near violent in pushing the other away to where now there were moments when the Russian would throw Matthew over his shoulder and carry the laughing boy away. It had been hard for the blond to break into those walls, and even harder for Ivan to let him. Once all that ice and stone had come crumbling down though, the two of them became near inseparable. Matthew was just like that, Ivan had mused at the time, too kind, accepting, forgiving and yet it never seemed to backfire on the young blond in the long run – well, besides occasionally being overlooked or forgotten by his peers and elders; That was quickly beginning to end though now that Ivan had a say in it.

"Come on Ivan, Alfred doesn't do waiting very well. If we don't get to the airport before he lands, we'll end up having to look over the whole damn building for him!" A chuckle escaped the Canadian, a fond smile playing on his lips "End up finding him six miles down the road at the McDonalds."

"Really?" Ivan asked doubtingly.

Matthew just smiled more "It wouldn't be the first time."

"Mattie!"

"Ouf!"

"The airline food is _terrible!_ Bring me to McDonalds before it permanently stains my poor tongue with its grossness!" Alfred released his brother from the bear hug he'd smothered him with to give him the most serious and pleading look imaginable over something so trivial. Ivan – along with many passers by – had trouble deciding weather to be confused or amused by the loud teen.

Matthew just smiled though and messed up his twins hair "I missed you to bro."

"Hey man! Not the doo!" Alfred barked. He was laughing though, any attempts at throwing a scowl his brothers way lost. So instead he threw an arm over his twins shoulder and messed up his hair too.

Ivan watched the two siblings goof off with each other for a while, completely interested in their interactions, until Alfred finally realized that he was standing there doing so. His brows furrowed and his smile disappeared as he gave an obvious 'What are you looking at?' expression. Matthew, noticing his brother distracted, looked to see Ivan and literally face-palmed for forgetting about him. Oh irony. You have such a bad sense of humor.

"Hey, hey! What's your dealio there pal? Quit gawking and get a-"

"Al! This is my friend Ivan." Matthew interrupted, pushing his twins puffed up chest back down "He wanted to meet you with me. Ivan, this is my brother Al-"

"Alfred F. Jones at your service! Stuck in a burning building? Call me! I'll be your hero!" With a wild grin, Alfred threw out his hand for the other to shake, his mood changed completely from the hostility he had originally shown.

Ivan just looked at him, perplexed by what burning buildings had to do with any part of this conversation and amused at the southern boys actions.

Alfred looked at the Russian and than his hand and than back to the Russian and waited for him to shake his hand, confused and starting to get a little miffed, he soon started frowning again "Uh, hello? Huston to Ivan, it's rude not to shake a guys hand ya know there pal."

Letting a chuckle out that sounded something more like a creepy giggle, Ivan took the others hand into his own – inevitably engulfing it – and shook "I am sorry comrade, it is just that I have never met an American before. You are quite amusing with your brash and childish ways."

"… What?"

And Matthew face-palmed again.

* * *

In hindsight, maybe he should have said something a little nicer, learning from Matthew had taught him that his past conversational skills were more than just slightly flawed. He had tried many times after their first encounter to make a better impression on the southern twin, but it just seemed that the more he bothered to try, the more that Alfred would hate him. There had been a good few many times that they would end up getting in fights because the American would react negatively towards Ivan's advancements, causing the Russian's patience to give way and than he would start to purposefully insult him. It tended to never end well.

Ivan huffed noisily for the forty-eighth time that trip, thoroughly annoyed at the American for not even glancing back. Oh how he wished for that bottle of vodka under his matriss at home (he had taken up drinking again after the accident) being even in the same vicinity of the blond boy left all sorts of unhappy in the Russian.

"Great."

Ivan was yanked out of his thoughts at the voice, surprised as this was the first time he'd heard Alfred talk the whole trip - something that the Russian found excidingly unnerving in the other teen. He looked ahead of him to see the American had stopped walking and was looking up at the sky, following suit, Ivan looked up. All he could see for miles was thick grey cloud and he frowned because of that, what was Alfred looking a-

Rain.

Ivan's mouth went into a straight line and his brows went flat above his eyes as a raindrop hit him right on his nose. _'Perfect.'_

* * *

"Th-Th-This wa-was a s-stup-pid idea M-Ma-Mattie!" Alfred managed through chattering teeth, sending the glare of death towards his twin whom was huddled up in a large tan coat "An-And st-stop c-c-cuddling w-with the enemy!"

"Ivan is not the enemy Alfred and I'd suggest you get over here and start 'cuddling' with us too before you catch hypothermia!"

"N-N-Never!"

"Alfred."

"N-No! I'd r-rather d-die first!"

"You _will_ die if you don't get over here!" Matthew snapped, glaring when all his brother did was point his nose in the air "Alfred, so help me God. If you don't get your ass over here right now, I just might kill you myself!"

"Y-You d-don't got the g-g-guts y-you n-ninny!"

Both twins glared at each other from opposite sides of the tent, Matthew from inside Ivan's coat – still subconsciously amazed that both he and the large Russian could fit in it at once – and Alfred from under two sleeping bags that failed to keep his more southern temperature adjusted body warm. Harsh winds bashed the flimsy plastic walls of their safe haven to and froe as rain the size of jelly beans tried to bullet their way into the only dry spot for a good couple thousand miles. It had actually been Alfred's idea to go camping in the middle of October, completely ignoring his brothers warnings about the quick weather changes in the fall – Ivan was invited by Matthew, much to his brothers sorrow, though the southern twin later devised a plan to push the Russian off a cliff if he happened to come by one – Their luck didn't decide to go on the trip with them sadly, preferring to fly out the window and leave them in the middle of nowhere with an empty tank of gas. After that, Alfred decided they might as well camp where they were and promptly ran into the woods with the supplies. Getting the three of them lost.

"Did you know that a symptom of hypothermia is irrationality Amerika? Though it is difficult to tell if it is the hypothermia that is causing it as you have always been prone to poor judgement." Ivan mused, tilting his head to the side a bit.

"Shh-Shut i-it Ru-Ru-Russia!" Alfred snapped in response, death glare intensifying.

Ivan only smiled and continued as if he were simply having an interesting discussion with the other "Along with blueness of the skin, dilation of the pupils, hallucinations, thickness of speech, drowsiness and a slowing heart rate; You become numb and cold all over, filled with a feeling of emptiness and unwillingness to go on. Eventually you become so tired that all you want to do is lay down and go to sleep. That is when you die. I have seen it before, did you know Amerika? It is quite the horrible way to die – body stiff and icy cold."

By now Alfred's face had gone at least five shades lighter than it was before, a explicit look of horror in his wide blue eyes "Y-Y-You- You're l-lying! Th-Th-That's n-not t-true!"

"It is true Alfred." Came in Matthew's voice, completely serious. He didn't really agree with his friends plan of scaring his brother into staying warm, but he knew that it would work, so he played along. Besides that, Ivan really was telling the truth. "Now. Would you rather die a miserable, eternal death or suffer through a few hours sitting with us?"

Alfred practically pounced on them.

* * *

The rain was as heavy as that day – minus the wind – pouring down and drenching both of the boys within a matter of minutes. Ivan could feel the biting sting of the cold fall shower as it hit his cheeks, turning them a bit pink. Looking at the southern boy, he could easily guess how freezing that Alfred must've been. The Russian still remembered how the American swore up and down that day on how he would never be caught in another fall rain again, and he kept his word on that – until now that is.

It wasn't too long before Alfred continued on his way - Ivan following - with the slightest hunch of his shoulders being the only sign to show that he was cold. Ivan was sure that there was nothing he wanted to see more in that moment than the other boy complain loudly about the freezing weather, try to find a warm place – hug his brother when he found none… Hear him and Matthew laugh together. Like they had used to.

He wished so hard for that to happen that he shocked himself when he felt his body shake from how bad he wanted it, but the rain just kept on falling and Alfred just kept on walking. Quietly.

* * *

"Ivan."

"Da?"

"Do you… Dislike Alfred?"

"Do I…?" Ivan stared at his best friend for a long moment, completely taken off guard by the question. "Dislike him?"

"Yeah. I mean, well, I always see you trying to get along with him. I just wonder sometimes if you really are trying to be his friend or you're just doing it for my sake…." Matthew fiddled with the cup of eggnog in his hands, making the yellow liquid swirl around in a lazy circle as he did.

It was mid January and Ivan had come to help the procrastinating Canadian take down the last of his Christmas decorations. Alfred had already finished has part of the job, bribed by Mr. Williams with a trip to McDonalds. Needless to say, he had gone to collect his prize. That left Ivan and Matthew alone to finish off the northern twins side of the work. They had just gotten the tree out of the house and packed away the last of the decorations in the house – Alfred was no longer allowed to handle the delicate items after breaking an expensive crystal bulb and was made to take down the outdoor decorations, much to his displeasure – Now that they had completed Matthew's job, they decided to finish off the last of the eggnog and have some light chit-chat in the kitchen until the others got back home.

Than Matthew pulls that out of nowhere "… Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Cried the blond, distress clear in his voice as he looked up at his friend "For one, I don't want you doing things that make you uncomfortable just for my sake; And two… I just wanted to say, that if you're really trying to be his friend, than I'm sorry that he's been acting the way he has. H-He's really a good person you know, he just, acts on his feelings a lot and-"

"You are worried over the fight we had before Christmas, correct?" Ivan smiled when Matthew stopped talking and looked back to him again, showing that he had been right.

"He didn't mean it you know… He just- He says things before he thinks about what the result will be. I talked to him- and he's really sorry. He's just too stubborn and prideful to say it to you."

"I know this. Alfred is a very easy person to read and that I know he is sorry will suffice for the time being. Maybe one day, if I am lucky, he will even tell me that he is sorry on his own, da?" It was fulfilling to see Matthew smile at his response, Ivan didn't believe that anything else fitted his friends face so rightly than that of happiness "There are times that I _do_ dislike your brother Matvey, but he is a very entertaining – if not slightly frustrating – person to be around and I am intent on making him my friend for my sake as well as yours. He will be less of a problem if he is my friend, do you not agree?"

Matthew laughed "That could be open for debate Ivan. I'm glad that that's what you want to do though, you can help me keep him out of trouble!"

Ivan chuckled "I will make sure to take good care of him when you are not around my friend."

"You better or I just might have to beat you up with my hockey stick!"

"Nyet, Canadian's cannot harm a fly."

"Take that back!"

* * *

Take care of him. Ivan promised that to Matthew.

Even fight upon fight after that first one, Ivan still did his best to keep his word for no more reason than that it was for his friend. Over time Ivan truly did start to dislike Alfred, from his childish antics to his subconscious extremist views, from his nationalism to his ignorant values; At times the boy could be downright maddening in the Russian's eyes. Still, it was all those annoying little details that made Alfred so intriguing to Ivan. The values were endearing and the childish antics were entertaining, the nationalism was understandable and the extremist views were an involuntary part of the Americans personality. He was impulsive, energetic, positive, careless, open and free. He was all the things that Ivan whished he could be and could have been and Ivan had realised that somewhere along the way, between hating him and liking him, that his simple 'like' may have grown into something a little stronger than that.

Ivan hated it, hated this new realizaton and he wouldn't accept what his new 'like' might be and so, after the accident, Ivan and Alfred got into the worst fight that they had ever had. As a result, there was a scar across Alfred's stomach now and a scar across Ivan's neck. They hadn't talked sense. Ivan wasn't even sure if Alfred remembered the incident, being in such a shocked state as he was when the fight took place. Yet Ivan was... Afraid, that he did. There were a lot of terrible - truly horrid - things that the Russian had said even though he hadn't meant any of them. In turn, Alfred had said some terrible things himself. Ivan was not sure how much of it that the American actually meant, but he knew that if Alfred remembered, that he would take anything that his 'enemy' said seriously. He always has.

* * *

"So... What's it like to be on the losing team Russia?" Alfred piped up as he and the other waited for Matthew to finish getting ready. Ivan had quickly found that the other would do anything to save from an awkward silence, even talk to him.

Ivan smiled 'happily' at the other male from his spot on the opposite side of the couch where he _had_ been fiddling with his scarf contently. Those American's sure knew how to start a conversation "What is it like having the highest obeasity count in the world Amerika?"

Alfred gritted his teeth at the returne jab, hotly replying "What's it like being shit ass poor Russia?"

"What is it like being a spoilt child Amerika~?" Ivan smiled more.

"Well what's it like fucking your sister Russia?" Was the sharp counter.

It didn't have the result Alfred was expecting though as he glanced over only to see that the other man's face had gone quite grim, a big throw off from the usual 'cheery' expression - though the answer sent the blond for even more of a loop "... Scaring Amerika."

A silence spred between the two of them. Ivan, once again, playing with the end of his long wool scarf and Alfred gawking at the other, a bit too shocked and a bit too guilty to say anything in return.

Eventually Ivan chuckled, not creepily like he usually did, but almost bitterly as he looked back to the blond "You have not answered my question Amerika; What is it like to be a child?"

* * *

Ivan was pulled away from his thoughts as they finally reached the American's destination. Looking up at the sign, even though he knew what it said, it helped him get his grip on reality once again as he read 'Maple Grove Cemetery'. He let out a shaky breath and he could feel his large form grow weak and cold, Ivan imagined Alfred was likely going through the same experience as well as he stood in front of the entrance, staring at the sign. He was almost sure that he could see the other shaking, though weather it was from his sorrow or the cold, the Russian couldn't be sure.

Slowly, tentatively almost, Alfred took a step forward, than another and another until soon he was back on his way again; though at a much slower pace. Ivan followed him, they both knew where the grave was, it was because of that knowledge that Ivan had become sick for such a long time, he had ended up falling asleep by it in a drunken stupor and was found the next day by the caretaker with pneumonia.

They walked until they were almost to the back of the cemetery, it was so quiet that, again, Ivan had to wonder how Alfred didn't hear the extra footfalls behind his own. Eventually, they happened upon a slightly larger maple than the rest they had passed by. Underneath it was a simple white gravestone with a darker stone design of a tree in the middle, it was surrounded by glass vases, some with plastic flowers others with real ones, though they were wilted from the cold. The entire area was soaked just like everything around it, no longer gaining any protection from leaves that had long since fallen away and all that could be heard now that the two men came to a stop was the heavy patter of rain..

Ivan watched on carefully, standing by the row of graves back from the one that Alfred stood before now. He knew that the both of them probably knew every word on it by heart, every scratch or bump in the grain of the stone. He knew that both of them could never forget, that buried below them only six feet away – six far feet away – was…

"Mattie…" Alfred spoke, his voice so tired. It had an audible quiver to it that Ivan had never heard before and he realized that he didn't want to hear it again. It didn't fit, it wasn't supposed to be there, he was supposed to hear happiness when Alfred spoke, energy, arrogance, anger even was more welcome compared to his almost broken voice now. It was the first time that Ivan could see the great difference in Alfred's pain to his own. They had all lost a part of themselves when Matthew went away, every one of them could say he had taken a part of their heart, that they had lost someone that they had loved – because that was Matthew, you had to love him because the truth of the matter is that, before you even started to, he had already loved you. Ivan was surprised with himself that he had never even taken in the fact that Alfred had lost the most, he himself at least still had his sister's, but Alfred was never particularly close to anyone other than Matthew.

A noise brought the Russian out of his realizations and he focused again on the other man. Alfred still stood there, though he was slightly more leant forward than before, Ivan looked on with a bit of confusion as to why before out of nowhere Alfred fell to his knees. With a start, Ivan took a few steps forward as to rush to him, feeling a surge of panic as thoughts of if he was hurt entered his mind. That's when he realized what had happened. Pausing in his assistance, Ivan watched almost disbelievingly as Alfred cried over Matthew's grave. He somehow felt ashamed to see the boy who would never admit to crumbling literally falling apart right before him.

"M-Mattie… Come back… P-Ple-ease…!" Alfred's voice quickly choked up and all that he could muster out were strangled sobs after that.

Ivan had to look away. His jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists as he felt his throat tighten up _'Matvey, what am I supposed to do?'_ He thought out desperately, hoping beyond all reason that he would get an answer. Looking back to Alfred, he felt something, a breeze. The wind blew a little stronger and he took a step forward to steady himself against it.

"Mattie…" Came Alfred's saddened call yet again – along with another strong breeze "Don't leave me alone…."

Than it clicked.

Ivan's eyes widened considerably and he took a quick look around him, there was no one there but the wind pushed at him strong again and he shuffled a little again, looking back to Alfred and realizing he was getting closer. A sudden unease hit his gut as he figured out what he was supposed to do, but the wind blew again and Ivan didn't hesitate when it did _'For you my friend.'_

Taking those last steps forward, Ivan fell to his knees right beside Alfred, startling the blond onto looking up. Alfred's nose, cheeks and eyes were all red from the cold and his tears, his expression caught somewhere between sorrow and confusion. Ivan didn't give the American time to react to him negatively, grabbing him and pulling him into his arms.

Alfred, too shocked to pull away, tried to voice his confusion "I-Ivan..? W-Wha-"

"I promised." Ivan cut in "I promised him I would watch over you, but I did not keep my promise when it mattered the most. Alfred, I am so sorry."

He pulled the blond closer, surrounding Alfred in his embrace. His own voice had strained and cracked from the constriction of his throat, but he wouldn't let that stop him from what he needed to say "I am so sorry that I left you alone."

At this, Alfred's body tensed, but than it started to shake and soon the blond was sobbing once again. He clung to Ivan's coat desperately and Ivan did the same in return.

It was then, that Ivan finally let himself cry as well.

_'Thank you.'_


End file.
